Cristiano Ronaldo's schlong-flaunting statue vandalized by Messi loyalists

The self-aggrandizing, schlong-flaunting statue of himself that Cristiano Ronaldo had built on his home island in Portugal was defaced this week by loyalists of Ronaldo's soccer rival Lionel Messi — and now Ronaldo's sister thinks the perpetrators "deserve to live in Syria."

What a time to be alive. 

You probably remember the statue Ronaldo had commissioned about a year ago on his home island of Madeira. Most people couldn't get past Statue Ronaldo's impressive um, bulge. It's, um, hard to forget. But in case, here's a reminder.

Ronaldo and Messi are popularly pitched as polar opposites, yin and yang, the ultimate soccer rivals. On Monday, Messi won the Ballon d'Or win, annually given to the best soccer player in the world. That ended a two-year reign by Ronaldo, which Messi had preceded with four straight wins of his own.

But Messi's biggest win Monday came when some cheeky vandals defaced the dick-bulging Ronaldo statue in Madeira. Here's a look.

Ronaldo's sister, Katia Aveiro, logged on to Twitter the following day to post this rambling diatribe against the perpetrators who defaced her brother's statue.

"I find the act in itself a disgrace but what I find more shameful is the envy that surrounds him and the anger that some unloved and frustrated pig-headed people display in public in a disgraceful way which leaves me embarrassed and sad as a Portuguese person," Aveiro wrote.

She continued: "My beautiful island, regrettably, is still inhabited by some frustrated savages who deserve to live in Syria, between people that show no respect and hold no value for life in society."
No word on whether the vandal was actually Ronaldo's young son, who is a huge Messi fan.